one time when i was 14, i pretended i was sick so i could stay home from school, i pretended i couldn’t talk, and i pretended to have a really sore throat, turned out my mum was really convinced and worried, so she took me to the hospital, i was very shocked when the doctor actually found out i had laryngitis. the next day i couldn’t talk and had a sore throat, oh irony, art thou a bitch.
stay home from school. save your own life.
i had a crush on this guy and i decided to pull a Pavlov on him by offering him whenever i saw him this brand of candy he seemed to really like and after a while whenever he saw me he got excited for a second then you could see his expression shift to wondering the why the hell was he so happy to see me and i swear it was the evilest thing but also the most hilarious i made a guy like me by conditioning him into associating me to a candy he liked
cat people: dogs are cool too
dog people: cats don’t feel love did you know a cat once MURDERED my MOTHER